Confession : I was really angry this week because someone called me a supermom.
I hate that word.
It does not represent me.
For example, I should be packing right now. You know where I am — here.
Then, I realized that the image that I show to others, especially those who only know me through my writing, where I tend to focus on positive things, only scratches the surface. Therefore, I have no right to be upset if people are only responding to that projected image. It’s my fault, not theirs. While I don’t revel in the darker side of me, nor do I complain often, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist or that I do not get angry, sad, or annoyed. I do hope people consider this when they think of me.
For the most part, yes, I am one of those obnoxious people who always looks for the silver lining. My slip-on shoes, for example, are completely falling apart and I can hardly hold them on — but when I put them on, I smile and think while I scuff around in them, “it’s better than stepping on a sticky floor!” Perhaps this optimism comes from knowing how bad things can be, and just being thankful for the smallest things, as if victories over the crap life can dish out sometimes.
Truly, though, there are times when I can’t find the silver lining anywhere and I get really really angry. Because I can hardly see straight in my anger, I rant in tangents and everything pretty much crashes around me. My husband is beyond patient with me to even entertain such arguments. I frustrate him probably more than he frustrates me — and yet, he is still married to me.
In the end, I usually realize the anger is with myself. Deep down, no matter how much they frustrate me, I love my family very much. They are not the root cause of my annoyance. Rather it is my own procrastination, lack of motivation, need for attention, or frustration with meal planning that I turn into Electromelon. I paint myself into a corner more than I admit, even to myself. Basically, I get caught up in self-righteous pride where I think it’s everyone’s fault but my own… and that’s a kind euphemism for my behavior.
“Bad days and moments don’t define you,” my mom reminded me this morning. “The way you love defines you.” Thanks, mom. I needed that hug this morning!
If you are curious about what my heart looks like when I’m not being gracious, you’ll find it in a single post under the pen name Sabira O. Talbot. Yep, that’s me. Tired of hiding from myself. Might want to put on some earmuffs first.