Sarah Joy Albrecht

Currently, I’m in Tokyo, Japan, along with my husband and our five children.

My husband posted about our trip on our family blog, No Grasp of Your Reality
and I’ll probably be dual-posting on NGoYR and here, although the pictures from our trip will be posted here on NGoYR.

These first few days have been fun, but they have also been tough as we get adjusted to the time difference.

Please keep us in prayer as this is not convenient to be in another country with a bunch of little kids, where we don’t speak the language, it’s in a different time zone than our body-clocks, and the food isn’t only expensive but quite weird for little palates. These sorts of physical difficulties and irritations can really bring out conflict, anger, and being less than gracious.

We’re already growing closer as a family, and I am very thankful for this.

If you have suggestions for places to visit here, or questions about Japan, please feel free to post them in the comments on either this blog or NGoYR and Tom or I will do our best to respond.

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht

“I Cried For You” – Katie Melua

You’re beautiful so silently
It lies beneath a shade of blue
It struck me so violently
When I looked at you

But others pass, they never pause,
To feel that magic in your hand
To me you’re like a wild rose
They never understand why

I cried for you
When the sky cried for you
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter
But this life was not for you
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

I’ll cross the sea for a different world,
With your treasure, a secret for me to hold

In many years they may forget
This love of ours or that we met,
They may not know
how much you meant to me.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper

Without you now I see,
How fragile the world can be
And I know you’ve gone away
But in my heart you’ll always stay.

I cried for you
And the sky cried for you,
And when you went
I became a hopeless drifter.
But this life was not for you,
Though I learned from you,
That beauty need only be a whisper
That beauty need only be a whisper

< sappiness >
When I hear this song, it makes me cry because I can’t imagine life without my Tom.
I do feel like a hopeless drifter when he’s gone.
< /sappiness >

On the Tara Barthel’s discussion board, someone asked about the Young Peacemakers material. I have not used it yet with my children (my mother in law has the YP books – they’re so good that I am considering adding it to next school year’s curriculum). I did have some thoughts on teaching young children about peacemaking:

Foundation first

Make it a point to teach the gospel and peacemaking ideas outside of conflicts, so that children don’t merely associate peacemaking with punishment but rather as part of their world view.

More important than teaching words and behaviors, regularly read stories about Jesus. Who was he? Why did he come here? What does this mean to us? You can ask these questions, and even answer them for children if they are non-verbal. (Great Commission’s First Catechism is a good resource for questions.)

Then, when there are fights and we say, “ask your brother/sister to forgive you” we can also say, “because Jesus forgave you of so much“, because the foundation is in place. They will eventually understand the “why” behind forgiveness.

It’s never to young to start teaching children, even when they are non-verbal. Ways to do this include reading to children and practicing habits with them (saying “I’m sorry, will you please forgive me” as well as asking God to forgive them). For example, if a non-verbal child bites another child, the parent may have to be the ones to be saying the words and praying aloud and modeling this. I see this as almost interceding for them. I can hear my barely-verbal two year old copy all of the word inflections for “I’m sorry, will you please forgive me”, even though to anyone else, it wouldn’t make sense what he was saying.

Along with teaching children about Jesus who is their Savior and who forgave them, it’s important to teach children that it’s not just mommy or daddy that say they have to say they are sorry, seek forgiveness and work out conflict. Teaching that it is ‘God that says this, and not just mommy or daddy’ comes from showing them and helping them memorize pertinent scriptures. Make sure to label sin as sin. Use like terminology with scripture – naming the specific sin – to help understand the correlation between what you’re saying and the Bible. “Handbook of Scriptures to Grow On” by Lois Schmitt and Joyce Price is a book that I often use to help to me when trying to find verses on behaviors (good and bad – put off, put on). It’s out of print, but there are many used copies out there on Amazon, Half.com and abebooks.com .

Discipline

I like to remind my children that they have a choice whether or not they will get into trouble. They can choose to obey or they can choose discipline. This has helped my more visual/spacial thinking children who seem have trouble relating sin with discipline – they just think I’m out to get them, whereas my more analytical thinking children who reason better understand right away.

Depending on the situation, we sometimes do “do-overs” – if someone yells something in frustration, I say, “how about you try that again in a kinder way.” (I WANT THAT TOY NOW! vs. “Can I play with that when you’re done?”) I believe that this has helped to teach them that they never have to be afraid to go back and try again – that when they are sinful that they can be reconciled and do not have to flee. They can have a second shot at the relationship.

Praise good behavior! There is much value in doing this. It also helps to establish a relationship with the children beyond a disciplinary one. It helps them to understand how they SHOULD be behaving as a future reference point.

When I discipline my children, I remind them that I do not WANT to discipline them, but that God says I HAVE to – if I do not, then I will be disobeying God and He will hold me accountable. I used to think that the words were more for me until I heard my four year old encouraging my three year old “not to hurt Micah – because mommy doesn’t want to have to discipline you, but she’ll have to anyway because God says she does.” Lo and behold, he got it and immediately stopped hurting the two year old.

The purpose of discipline is restoration. When my children are disciplined, I remind them that they are restored and forgiven. Parents can make the Four Promises of Forgiveness too:

1. “I will not dwell on this incident.”
2. “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
3. “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
4. “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

Seeking forgiveness /reconciliation

The question was asked (paraphrased) : What should a parent do when one child says they are sorry and are forgiven but then forgiving child don’t want to have anything to do with the offending child – such as a hug or kiss?

Part of teaching children to forgive is to help them go through the outward motions of forgiveness. The Four Promises of Forgiveness could be reviewed at that time, especially as a reminder that we need to guard our hearts against bitterness.

Although we can walk our children through requesting/granting forgiveness, it is impossible to make someone’s heart change. A child’s been hurt by another child – they are afraid they’ll be hurt again. Maybe they are still in physical pain from the bite/punch/kick. This is no different with adults, right? If someone lies about us, it’s hard to tell them our hopes and fears. We are afraid to be hurt again. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do all we can to keep the relationship from being hindered, but there is often a time of heart-healing and growth – both spiritual and relational.

Rather than creating a further discipline issue by forcing them to hug (although you can suggest that it may be a good idea), pray aloud with the children and ask God to strengthen their friendship and work in their hearts to help each other genuinely be reconciled. Sometimes just hearing these words in a prayer will soften little hearts – I know it does mine when someone who has offended me takes time to pray for me! Leave room for the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts, and place your trust in the Lord. We cannot control our children’s hearts. Pray over them throughout the day. Then, the next time they are playing nicely, affirm the relationship by pointing out how much fun they have together and how they love each other no matter what. “Now can you give a hug to your brother/sister?” When they do hurt inevitably hurt each other, remind them of the happy times they have when they are reconciled.

I sat some of my children (ages 5,4,3) down to watch these interviews as well as the video that Amanda made. They have never knowingly observed someone with autism before, and I wanted to teach them so they would have a better understanding.

“Why is she doing that, mom?”

“Because God gifted her in that way – she is more aware than we are of how things taste, feel, sound and smell. She is rattling the paper because she is looking at the flag out her window and thinking of the sound it is making as it flaps in the wind.”

We talked about how God made each of us unique – Thomas is good with numbers and likes adventure games. Tabitha can whistle – but Thomas can’t. She can eat more than mommy can, and yet she’s a little girl! Aiden is very sturdy when he climbs high.

I told them that God has made this woman to be unique, too. Yes, she does things differently than we do. But, she is a person just like we are.

We must never make fun of or hurt someone because they are different from us. To do so is like telling God that His creation is not good enough for us.

Tabitha was sad that people would hurt someone else just because they were different. I told her that if she ever sees someone being hurt or made fun of that she could tell those bullying to stop and to come get an adult if they didn’t.

From my husband:

“The best kisses are the ones that leave you wanting more. Now, go away, Sarah!”

This morning, as I was perusing the headlines at CNN online, I stumbled across the most fascinating interview series with Amanda Baggs, a 26 year old woman who has autism.

I am so thankful to have seen these videos today, as they have helped me to appreciate the beauty of about how people with autism interact with the world on a holistic level.

Video Links:

Interview 1
Interview 2
Amanda’s original video uncut (8 min+)

Amanda’s “Non-Site”

Related written articles about Amanda Baggs:

Living with autism in a world made for others
Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s Blog Article

Psalm 139:14-18 means much more to me today

I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand
When I awake, I am still with You.

as does 1 Corinthians 1:25-29

Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God.

Much love,
Sarah Joy Albrecht